72 Ways toAnnoy our Favorite Dark Lord
by SlytherinsScribe
Summary: Yes, it's another list of ways to annoy Voldemort.


72 Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, another list of ways to annoy everyone's favorite dark wizard(if you're thinking Wormtail you deserve to be fed alive to Nagini). Well, I'm trying to find a few ways to annoy him others looked over. Warning-DH spoilers

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Harry Potter, if I did the series would have ended very differently. Don't own Potter Puppet Pals either. I thankfully don't own Barny, telletubies or Sesame Street. I also don't own the following words: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

Call Voldemort Tom, or Voldy

Give him a grade school valentine- even if it's not Valentine's day

Tell him you like his Halloween mask- when he's not wearing a mask and it's not Halloween

Laugh when he yells at you (that annoys everyone)

Put a full body bind curse on him and force him to watch a twelve hour marathon of Barny, Teletubbies, Sesame Street and other shows of the like.

Poke him repeatedly saying 'bother' each time

Ask him if his heart is three sizes to small

Send him to a marriage counselor with Peter

Tell all the death eaters to talk until he walks in the room, then when he does everyone be quiet and just watch him

Ring his doorbell, then run before he opens the door

Send him fake OWL or NEWT results that show him getting 'T's in every subject but Muggle Studies

Kill him, and than laugh at him when he is not killed and comes back as a spirit like thing and has to go through the ritual to get his body again

Hug him

Buy him a Chihuahua puppy and a hot pink purse to carry it in

Name said dog 'Princess Teacup,' especially if it's a boy

Set up an email account for him. Spam him mercilessly.

Blackmail him to play with dollies and little girls

Take his wand, give it to Harry Potter in exchange for a broken quill and a glass jar with the Animagus form of Rita Skeeter in it

Bring Rita Skeeter to his secret lair

Get him drafted into a muggle war

Take him to a quidditch game on 'throw random crap at dark lords day,' Arm people around him with quills, spell books and old computer monitors

Speak in old English, German, Japanese and French simultaneously when in his presence

Flash Photography, especially when he's on one of his 'kill Harry Potter' rants

Ask him if he ever misses his nose or hair

Ask him to help you with your homework (especially Muggle Studies)

Get songs stuck in his head on a daily basis

Pretend to be in love with him, like Bellatrix

Ask him if he's a blood relative of the Giant Squid

Ask him if on his next attempt to kill Harry Potter if he can get you Harry's Autograph

Sing campfire songs at death eater meetings

Write on his forehead with a permanent marker while he's asleep

Burn his wand for heat, claim you don't know Incendio and Harry Potter made you do it

Ask him if it hurts to split your soul, very loudly in front of all his death eaters

Tell Harry Potter where his Horcruxes are

Go back in time to when he was at the orphanage and force him to play nicely with others

Create a voodoo doll of him, make it so one of his feet always feels wet

Photoshop him into embarrassing pictures and post them on the internet

Ask him to tell you about the time his body was destroyed by a toddler

Hold your finger an inch from him and constantly say 'I'm not touching you' when he tells you to stop not touching him poke him very hard

During death eater meetings ask permission to 'go potty' every five minutes

Talk in tongue twisters or pig latin

Sneeze whenever your around him, claim your allergic to people who are bald, noseless and were once destroyed by a toddler.

Tell him that he's a great dark lord, but needs to work on his evil laugh, make fun of his high pitched laugh

Ask him why he hates half bloods if he is one himself, call him a hypocrite

Tell him he looked cuter as part of Quirrell's head than he does with his own body

Tell him that in a fight between him and Lassie, Lassie would win, show him the following web site: **movies. 729/729573p1.html**

Kill Harry Potter, Brag!

Ask if he is related to Gollum, if he doesn't know who Gollum is(because it's a muggle thing) laugh at him

Ask him if he based his look off Michael Jackson

Ask why he didn't just have Quirrell kill Harry in his first year

Force him to listen to bad karaoke

Turn all of his shoes into fuzzy, pink, bunny slippers

Ask him if he's ever been on a date, if he says yes tell him that having dinner with Nagini doesn't count as a date

Force him to watch the Potter Puppet Pals' Trouble at Hogwarts

Tell him which side Snape is really on

Force him to go watch chick flics in movie theaters

Put a 'Hex me' sign on his back, have people who hate him follow him

Laugh at his lack of ability to kill Harry potter, then make a slideshow of all the times Harry Potter has defeated him, duct tape him to a chair to force him to watch

Cheer loudly every time he says the name of a member of the DA/Order of the Pheonix, especially Snape and Harry Potter

Relate his life to that of characters in muggle books (i.e. such as him growing up without love like Maggie did in The Thorn Birds)

Whenever he asks for coffee in the morning get him decaf

Attempt to teach him trigonometry and weighted averages

Give him a bike helmet for Christmas and don't give him a bike until his Birthday(December 31)

Ask Voldemort if parseltongue is a Germanic or Latin based language

When he is speaking at a death eater meeting start playing the banjo badly(kazoos and harmonicas work well too, but trumpeting badly is just poor form)

Call him Santa Claus, in July only

Ask why after every order he gives(i.e. Voldy: shut up! You: Why?)

Ask him constantly 'Why are we doing this?'

Ask about the benefits that come with being a death eater(i.e. medical and health insurance) seem disappointed when you are told the only benefit is not having your entire family killed

Pretend to have five second long short term memory

And Finally…..

When he asks why you're even there if all you do is annoy him, say that you're really Harry Potter using polyjuice potion, then disapperate quickly


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